Send An SMS Text Message And FAKE The Caller ID

Losing you was the best diet ever - I've dropped 100lbs of useless fat

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I wouldn't give you and your camel toe a nod in the desert

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You are such a low-life you don't even deserve the steam off of my piss

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Stop talking - your breath is causing a hole in the ozone layer

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Learn how to use deodorant you smelly git

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Oi! Dog's breath - learn how to use a toothbrush

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I wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire

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I know I said I loved you - but I lied. It was the beer talking

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You can go back to shagging sheep now

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I know I said you were the best sex ever, but I lied - it was the drugs talking and I needed them to fuck you

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The worst time in our relationship was when you were awake

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You think you're hung like a horse...but I've seen bigger 5 year olds

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You are so beautiful, sweet and faithful - it's a pity I don't like animals

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I wish you lots of itching and short arms

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You have the face of a saint - a Saint Bernard dog!

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If you didn't have feet, would you wear shoes? No? Then why do you wear a bra?

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I love the sea, I love the rocks, but when I see you I need to puke

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If you are raped and cannot defend yourself - keep still and enjoy it

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. But a face like yours belongs in a zoo

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. Shit stinks a lot better than you

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Never dance naked - your body has parts that don't stop moving when the music ends

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Whats the difference between you and a dildo? You are a REAL prick

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If my face looked like yours, I'd shave my backside and walk on my hands

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Whats the difference between you and a battery? Batteries have a positive side

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Please turn your mobile phone upside down to read this message... 370HSSV 0773H

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Why do you get PMS? Because you fucking deserve it

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Don't feel bad. Don't feel blue - Frankenstein was ugly too

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It's better to let someone think you are an idiot than to open your mouth and prove it

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You have the sex appeal of a wet paper bag

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Your face looks like you've been using it as a doorstop

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You have a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp

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I've seen better makeup on a monkeys ass

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You should learn from your parents mistakes - use birth control

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You've got a face that only a mother could love. Unfortunately, she hates it as well

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I heard you've changed your mind. What did you do with the diaper?

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Why don't you slip into something more comfortable - like a coma

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Well, you are living proof that even a turd can be polished

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You are proof that God has a sense of humor

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May wild horses break their harnesses trying to pull my dick out of your mothers mouth

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Do the world a favor - take an overdose

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Your pussy smells like you've rubbed a sweaty tuna steak in your crack

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God you stink - are you sure you've changed your tampon?

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